she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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