Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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