It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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