I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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