I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
