Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
