Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
