When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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