I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
