rhymes with "ouble enetration"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
