at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
