Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
