Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have post one night stand depression
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
