I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
