She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
