we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
