Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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