So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
