Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
