i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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