Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
