Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
