it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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