I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
