i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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