I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize