He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
