Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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