the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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