neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
