He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Randomize