so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
