I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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