i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
