I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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