Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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