Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
