I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
