So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
