Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
