She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
