Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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