1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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