I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize