Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
