I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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