Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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