My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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