singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
