rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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