There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
