I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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