have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
