don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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