I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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