I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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