Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
then he tried to convert me to islam
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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