im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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