I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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