I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
