dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
