After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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