There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
