I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
there is puke in my bra ... again
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