Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Text me some of your sweat
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